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The last Sunday in AugustMade in Melbourne by Parker’s Dad

You’re still their Dad.

Whether your little one lived for weeks, for hours, or never got to take a breath, you are their Dad. Nothing changes that. This page is just for you.

You don’t have to be the strong one all the time.

In the first weeks, a lot lands on Dads: the phone calls, the paperwork, the funeral, looking after everyone else. It’s normal to throw yourself into jobs, projects or work. Just make sure someone is looking after you, too.

  • Say yes when people offer something specific: a meal, a lift, mowing the lawn.
  • Ask about photos and keepsakes while you’re still in hospital. Heartfelt photographers can come to you, for free.
  • You can take your time with their things. There’s no right day to pack up the room.

It can hit you sideways.

Some Dads feel numb. Some feel angry. Some can’t stop replaying the hospital. Some don’t cry for months, then can’t stop. None of that means you’re doing it wrong.

If what you saw keeps coming back, or you can’t sleep, eat or work, talk to your GP. Ask about a Mental Health Treatment Plan, and about counsellors who know baby and child loss. Red Nose and Bears of Hope offer counselling too.

Blokes who get it

Talking to another Dad who’s been there can help more than anything else. You don’t have to talk in a circle, either.

Talk to a Dad who’s been there

  • Red Nose: talk to another bereaved DadUp to three booked support calls with a Dad who’s been there. Not a 24/7 service.Book a call
  • Bears of Hope: the Dads’ WhatsApp groupA quiet group just for Dads. Share a thought or a photo with Dads who get it.How to join
  • Love From Dad: the Dads’ WhatsApp groupA private group chat for bereaved Dads across Australia and beyond. Talk, listen, or just sit quietly with Dads who get it. Ask to join by email or on Instagram.How to join

Text, don’t talk

  • SMS4dads grief messagesFree texts for 15 weeks, written with Dads who’ve been there, made with Red Nose.Sign up
  • Lifeline textText a trained crisis supporter.0477 13 11 14

Grieving alongside each other

You’ll probably grieve differently, and at different times. That’s normal. Many Dads find it easier to look after their partner than to look after themselves. Try to do both.

  • Talk about your little one together, by name.
  • Say what you need, even if it’s “I need to go for a drive.”
  • Get support for each of you, not only as a couple.

When you can’t find the words

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But a short message to family, mates or your boss can save a lot of hard conversations. Copy one, change whatever you like, and send it.

  • To family and friends

    I’m not always going to say it, but I’m not doing great since [name] passed. I don’t need you to fix it. Just keep checking in, and say [name]’s name. It helps more than you’d think.

  • Sharing the news

    With heavy hearts: our little one, [name], was born on [date] and passed on [date]. We got to hold them and tell them how loved they are. We’re not up for calls yet, but messages mean a lot. Please don’t be afraid to say [name]’s name.

  • To your mates’ group chat

    Hey all. Thanks for the messages. I’m not ready to talk much yet, but I’d still like to be asked to things, even if I say no. Treat me normal, and it’s okay to mention [name].

  • To your boss or HR

    Thanks for being flexible. Some days will be harder than others, especially around [dates]. If I need to step out, I’ll let you know. It would help if the team knew it’s okay to mention [name].

  • Asking for space

    I know you care, and I’m grateful. I need a bit of quiet for the next little while. I’ll reach out when I’m ready. Please keep checking in anyway.

  • When someone says the wrong thing

    I know you meant well. It helps more if you just say [name]’s name, or ask how I’m going. That’s all I need.

Going back to work

Most Dads go back within weeks, often before they’re ready. You’re allowed to ask for what you need.

  • You can take two days’ compassionate leave, paid if you’re full-time or part-time. If you’re eligible for unpaid parental leave, you can still take it after a stillbirth or the loss of your baby, and your employer can’t cancel it. The details are at fairwork.gov.au.
  • Ask for a gradual return, or time off for appointments.
  • Decide what you want the team to know, and who tells them.
  • If your manager doesn’t know where to start, send them our page for workplaces.

Birthdays, due dates and Father’s Day

Some dates will hit hard every year, and some will sneak up on you. Plan something small for the big ones, and tell one person what the date means.

Getting through Father’s Day

The people who help Dads

You don’t have to work out who to call. These are the people who helped our family, and what they do for Dads.

All charities and services

  • Red Nose

    A 24/7 support line, counselling, a Men’s Grief program, and phone calls with another bereaved Dad.

    rednose.org.au

  • Bears of Hope

    Free counselling, support groups, a WhatsApp group for bereaved Dads, and a Dads Sport & Support Weekend.

    bearsofhope.org.au

  • Heartfelt

    Volunteer professional photographers who give families free photographs of their little one.

    heartfelt.org.au

  • Love From Dad

    Dads supporting Dads after stillbirth, termination for medical reasons, miscarriage and infant loss: a private WhatsApp group, podcasts and Dads’ own stories.

    lovefromdad.com.au@love.from.dad

Need to talk now?

In danger, call 000.

Rather text than talk: SMS4dads grief messages, for 15 weeks.

All the ways to get help

  • Red NoseSupport when a baby or child has passed on, at any age. Open 24/7.1300 308 307
  • LifelineCrisis support by phone, text or chat. Open 24/7.13 11 14
  • MensLine AustraliaCounselling for men, including grief. Open 24/7.1300 78 99 78